I admit ~ I will never be a Martha Stewart

So what is wrong with me?!

Warning:  this is a real Jolene post, the real me and my real thoughts ~ so they are not yours and may differ slightly or entirely!  Not saying one is right or one is wrong...these are my thought processings.

I have been giving this a lot of thought actually ~ why I have no desire to have a home like in the magazines.  I have done tests about Spiritual Giftings/Talents, I have done Learning Styles tests...and I have looked back hard at my life to see what it is about the "show home" mentality that I can't wrap my little head around.

I do look at home design books, decorating, renovating, etc as it is an interest to me ~ see our 1907 character home renovation ~ I do have some of this in me.  BUT everytime I look at these, my head thinks "they could feed thousands of people with the price of that countertop!"  If it isn't broke, why replace it? Guess so that the thrifty ones can buy it economically priced from them right?  One woman got a whole new stove and the only difference between the two was a little white trim around the edge...my mother in law is enjoying the "old" one!  While I enjoy the look of some of these items, especially claw foot old tubs, tiled showered, etc I always think that someone is getting rich on feeding people's greed or having to keep up appearances to please who?  Look at all the holidays we have and how commercialized they are ~ buy christmas presents and pay until June on them ~ don't forget Valentine's Day or you're a rotten husband/wife/boyfriend, etc ~ buy chocolates and baskets for Easter ~ the list goes on and on.  Don't get me wrong, I love celebrating, but why all this money out and buying and buying just to throw it away? 

Back to houses.  I understand new windows, in floor heating, etc ~ things to make a home more energy efficient and cozy.  I understand shelving and organizing.  I just don't know how to do it myself.  I know rubbermaid.  I see a basket and think "man, I'll have to dust that"...BUT I did buy 3 baskets last year to keep library books in etc, and yes, they don't look so pretty now...what happened ?  ha ha  Maybe now I will make some sort of material liner...so why if I am project oriented, do I feel like this is a waste of time?

Honestly, I am wondering how I will have grown in my opinions by the time we have purchased a different home for ourselves.  At the moment, we are renovating our primary residence in Manitoba in order to sell it.  We will keep renting this little abode until God shows us the next step.  SO, once I move again, will I finally be able to break down and actually purchase a matching table and chair set? We have stream lined our worldly possessions so much, that there would be nothing to fill a new home with!  I already worry about not being to find a good 2nd hand store to replace things like a table and chair!  ha ha

Here's an example:  we had completely gutted and renovated our living room/dining room in Mb.  We thought, wow, a nice antique looking buffet thing would be awesome.  We searched and searched.  Finally never did purchase anything because we couldn't justify the expense.  We kept thinking, for $700 we could take our girls on a nice holiday!  So I can hardly even justify an expense unless it is a smokin' good deal or we really need it...we didn't even buy a crib for our babies!  We finally bought a good stroller (on sale) and used it like crazy.  I couldn't justify the expense and was happy with borrowing or using hand me downs.  In "learning styles" they do have a name or category for people like me.  BUT I wonder if I can change a little?

Was I born this way?  Was I raised to think this way?  Or has being married to a man similar to myself just magnified my tendencies?  We would much rather save the money for a future holiday, etc and wait for a great deal to come along.  Now does this make us people who can use delayed gratification?  Or is this the line or thrift vs cheap?  Thrift knows a good deal and will spend the money and will be giving to other things.  Cheap just buys cheap.  We do like quality and will wait, but I doubt we have paid full price for anything...seriously.

My sister was a great dreamer, organizer and general person to pretty up things.  I did copy some of her ideas at the time (doilies on the night stand) but found myself in my teen years trying to develop my own uniqueness besides being her little sister.  When my sister died, I found myself lost in the feeling of how to be myself and not turn into her, as people missed her.  Does that make sense?  I had a real identity crises for a year.  I couldn't figure out how to act or be me.  I think I finally decided to be everything she wasn't.  SO I was practical.  I would figure out how to be good at other things and forever be different than her.  Guess maybe she just didn't follow through on her promise to decorate my home for me.  Not her fault.  Who knows how much of how we act and are is because of silly things like that?

Well, my brain is tired.  I don't want to be a parasite, just feeding off others in a bad way ~ but why not save items from the land fill when possible?  Guess that is my mentality.  If someone wants to get rid of their "old" stove, yes, I will take that "old" stove and use it another 20 years quite happily.  Guess if no one changed their decor, I would be out of luck and have to, gag, ah, buy new!